1 Reason Why people drift away from you

When people and situations are not how we want them to be 

We get angry for the mind gets disturbed.

It is natural for which mind to get disturbed? 

A mind which had done a programming as - I will be happy only when ... 

We have done this programming since childhood

A big responsibility in this is of our parents.

Because our parents were happy only when we obeyed them. 

Otherwise their facial expression itself would change. 

When a child comes home with mark sheet of exams

Parents' expressions change looking at the marks sheet.

Which means my happiness is dependent on your marks.

My happiness is dependent on your performance.

My happiness is dependent on your behaviour.

So my happiness is dependent on you being according to how I want.

Which means what is our programming since childhood?

When people and situations will be according to how I want 

Then I will be happy.

Very true.

Second line of programming was - 

When people and situations are not how we want them to be 

Then it is natural to feel hurt, upset, or angry.

Once the programming is fitted within us

Once you create a program, it will run accordingly for a lifetime.

Today we need to change that programming.

Is it possible for people and situations to be how we want them to be? Think and respond.

Not always.

Is it necessary for them to be our way?

Why are they not our way?

They have a different opinion.

Are they allowed to have a different opinion?

Everyone's programming is different.

It is you who is giving all the answers.

You just need to give yourself the same answers after going home. That is meditation.

When we go home, if someone does not obey us 

Even after we say something for their benefit, if they do not obey us 

We just need to sit down and lovingly tell ourselves - Everyone's programming is different.

It's a fact.

What do you feel about these flowers?

How many of you like them? You find the beautiful?

I just don't like them. They are such a waste. I don't like flowers at all.

It's a waste of money. By tomorrow they will all wilt. Is it okay to feel this way?

Is it okay that I don't like them? Yes?

Between you and me, who is more right? 

All of you like them. I am the only person who dislikes.

But? Are you finding it difficult to accept right now? Please stand up.

What is difficult?

Your mind is questioning why don't like flowers?

What will you answer your mind?

It's very beautiful? That is according to you.

I am saying they are so bad. Is it ok?

 Everybody tell your mind it is ok.

I like it but she does not like it. Is it logically right?

Explanation is needed because programming has to change.

Am I allowed to have a taste different from your taste?

That my likes are different from your likes? 

My rights are different from your rights? Is it okay?

Who is a little more right between the two of us?

These flowers are beautiful. There are no two opinions about it?

I am allergic to them from my mind. So even if I look at it from there I will not like it.

Do you see how we need to go on talking? It needs to be fitted internally.

Can there be two opinions about the flowers or not?

Because she confidently said there cannot be two opinions.

If I am not allergic, can there be two opinions?  Yes.

Am I allowed not to like it? Yes.

It took a long time. This is it.

Why is it so difficult to accept 

That whatever we feel is right 

Other people will not find it right.

Why? Because your viewpoint about it 

You can see that flower only from that view point. Right?

So when you look at the flowers through that Sanskar 

Whether it is about flowers 

Who had brought these flowers? They are very beautiful.

So whether they are flowers, or any big situation in life

It's very important for us to hold onto this all the time - 

That will be locate a situation, through whose perspective will we look at it?

We see it from our perspective.

When we see it from our perspective, that is how it is visible to us.

And because we see it only that way, we feel only perspective that is right. 

We don't find any other perspective to be right.

And it is right that all of you like those flowers. Absolutely right.

But the small mistake we do is 

We said only this is right.

We did not think that the perspective with which the other person is looking at it, can also be right.

I have worn a white dress. White is the most beautiful colour.

I can keep aside the topic of happiness and discuss for 1.5 hours, about why white is the best colour.

Scientifically, environmentally, socially, spiritually, and most important - financially.

Also there is no social tension around it.

Because I don't need to think when I open the cupboard 

About what people will think if I wear this or that. Because all my sarees are identical. 

When you open your cupboard everyday and choose a dress 

You will think less about yourself and more about others.

What is in fashion today? What will people say? Shall I wear this? ... 

I had worn this recently. What will people say if I repeat again?

I do not have any such tensions.

Which means I can discuss with you for 1 hour, about why white is the best colour.

That is absolutely right colour.

Are you prepared to wear white from tomorrow?

Colour of purity. It reflects light.

It doesn't absorb other people's energy.

Dark colours absorb energy.

It's very economical financially... There are a lot of factors.

So for your own benefit I am explaining why white is the best colour.

I am giving you the reasons as well.

Sofor your benefit I am asking you to wear white

Will you wear white from tomorrow?

Why not? I have given you so many reasons.

It's beneficial for you and it will simplify life.

You buy so many different colours for summer and winter, and this and that ... You just need to buy white.

Will you wear white from tomorrow?

Maintenance? It's very easy to maintain. Don't have to do much.

It cost only 200 rupees. You won't get t a saree cheaper than this in the market.

So you don't even have to make effort on maintenance. Where it for 6 months and discard.

You want variety and spice? Not necessary. We need simplicity in life.

I have explained so much. Why isn't your mind still not ready?

The minds which are not prepared to wear it 

You need to understand the same way when you tell people something which is beneficial for them 

And their mind will not be ready to accept what you said.

But we keep crying to them - I am telling you this for your own benefit.

And then we complain that children don't obey us.

At that moment we need to tell ourselves - 

Their mind is not yet ready.

And what does it mean when we say their mind is not ready?

Their likes are different from our likes.

Their rights are different from our rights.

Their choice is different from my choice.

Can choices, likes and dislikes, rights and wrong of Two Souls differ? Yes.

They should be and they will be different. Why?

Because both the souls have been on two different, long journeys.

When we say this is my child 

Actually he is not my child. He is a soul who was someone else's child a few years ago (previous lifetime).

100 years before that, that soul was somebody else's child.

And 100 years even before that, the same soul was someone else's child. 

So how many several likes and dislikes are recorded on that soul over so many life times?

Every soul in every bodily costume

 Every soul had different set of parents, different situations 

Every soul had different experiences, and therefore created different Sanskars.

And then that's all left the body and took a new costume (new body in a new birth)

Again different parents, different environment, different experiences ... 

Again that soul left the body and took a new one ... This kept repeating.

How many times would this have happened? Many.

When a soul taken so many different costumes (body), and has so many recordings

Today that soul has come into our house as a child.

Will that child be like us? Is it possible?

We feel he is my child. And my side should be like me.

And my child should be the way I want him to be.

Sometimes parents find their children's Sanskars to be so different from their own

I have seen parents who say in a fit of anger - This cannot be my child.

Someone said she doubts if her child has got exchanged at the hospital. Because the child's Sanskars were completely different from hers.

Suppose a parent has a deep Sanskar of honesty. They have not even said a single lie in life.

And their child picks objects from wherever he goes.

For example he steals someone's pencil at school.

He might steal a spoon at a restaurant.

The parents  get very worried about these things.

I am so honest and ethical. How can my child do such things?

In those moments we need to remind ourselves - He is playing the role of my child only in this movie.

He has played many other roles before coming into my life.

Previously this soul might have been stealing things.

The bodily costume of that soul has changed.

But when the soul changes are costume, what does it still carry forward? It's Sanskars that are recorded on the soul. 

So that soul has carried that Sanskar with it.

Therefore when we criticize our child 

Why are you like this? ... Why do you do that? ... Why can't you be this way? ...

What we are doing is that, we are not accepting their Sanskar.

Because we easily said this Sanskar is wrong.

Wrong according to who? According to me.

But according to that child, he is absolutely right.

Because he can do things only through that perspective.

We should never think or speak the word 'wrong' for anyone.

Because it's the highest form of disrespect.

If I say I absolutely dislike these flowers 

It is my opinion.

And I am entitled to my opinion. I do not like flowers.

So if someone tells me - It is impossible for someone to dislike flowers

What did they do to my opinion? Rejected it.

Sometimes we even say - You are wrong. How is it possible for you to dislike flowers?

And sometimes we even say - you are lying that you dislike flowers.

Because we just cannot accept that the other person dislikes something which we like.

Why? Because we can only see that we like flowers.

If you look at people with labels of them being your child, your wife, and so on, then there will be a lot of conflict.

That is why when we go to the Brahmakumaris, the first lesson taught on the first day is 

I am a soul. She is a soul.

We have heard the word soul since childhood. It's not a new word.

But we have not used it anywhere.

If only we had used the knowledge - I am a soul, my child is also a soul.

Right now he is my child. But he is also a soul on a long journey.

The recent flood and heavy rain situation in Jammu and Kashmir 

There was a family that travelled to that place. 

Suppose the family members got separated from each other due to that storm.

Perhaps one of them even left the body.

Their child's hand slipped away but the parent could not save him.

That child got separated and eventually left the body.

The state of mind in those final moments of the child will be of fear and pain.

Attachment. Which means you are fearing that you are losing your family.

So the soul left the body in this state 

Pain, fear and sorrow.

Suppose that soul is born in your house as a your child.

How will that child's Sanskar be? He will be a little subdued.

He will be scared easily. He will cling on to parents. Because previously, his hand had slipped off from his parents.

That incident has left a strong impression (recording) on that soul.

So that child will want to stay very close to his parents.

If you want to leave him alone for sometime, he will start getting scared.

Even if someone comes home, he will hide.

Usually the family members criticize and ridicule such children for being so scared.

After criticising we compare and say - Look at your younger brother. He can go to the market alone.

And if he has a sister, we say - Being a boy why do you get so scared? Look at how bold your sister is.

Don't be do such things? We do. Is it fair to that soul?

What we need to do is, that soul has come.

That soul has carried previous Sanskars and past experiences. 

He is not scared unnecessarily. He has experienced something scary recently.

How will he let go of his parents? He has just now witnessed fear and pain of separation from parents.

Because of witnessing fear and pain, that soul is emotionally low.

What will happen to his state if we criticize, compare, and ridicule that soul?

His state becomes further low. And all of us do that.

Why do we do that? Only because we don't understand that the soul has carried a Sanskar that is different from our Sanskar.